Another opportunity to 'BECOME'!

Man, I can't believe its already the middle of January. Time flies by at an incredibly fast pace. Its hard to keep up sometimes. I was just stalking myself on facebook - haha and I realized how much I love that I'm able to look back at past pictures and posts and then reflect on where I was, where I am now and even dream about and adjust where I'm going. If you would have asked me a year and a half ago where I saw myself right now...I definately wouldn't have thought I'd be all the way out in Virginia. I most definately wouldn't have anticipated any of the huge changes that have occured in such a short time span, but...when I think about it, I'm so happy I am where I am. I have a great job, I live in a beautiful city, state and have the cutest little home this semester. I have amazing friends, and opportunities to serve and love. I've been given so many chances to become the BEST individual I can be. I never thought I would enjoy living in such a small city, but it has given me an opportunity to refocus on whats most important in my life and make directional changes. I've been able to develop a relationship with myself that I like and I've been developing a stronger relationship with my Heavenly Father and his Son, Jesus Christ. I'm coming to know them in ways I've never before discovered. Its funny how life is sometimes. For example, I had this pretty great car (2002 Honda Accord - fully loaded). Well, it broke down last semester. This car was my 'baby'. Yet, everything in my life this past semester seemed to be falling apart. I struggled with housemates, my class load, my job, my church calling, my self-esteem and lots of other things. It tried the faith I had in myself as well as my Savior. So, having my car break down just seemed to be one more thing to pile on. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it. I had days I just couldn't seem to get out of bed. I felt lost, helpless, hurt and I was on the verge of completely giving up. Well, I can't tell you how many times I had instances that proved me wrong (just about every time). I was surrounded by love. So many people around me would somehow be in the right place at the right time and would lift me up. I had so many tender mercies everyday...even among all the awful that I was surrounded and distressed by. Last semester, I learned some pretty tough lessons. I was humbled by my circumstances and still am being humbled. I've learned to allow others to help me and love me. I'm learning to 'let go and let god.' I've learned how to love those I don't necessarily get along with. I'm learning how to look past the imperfections of myself and those around me, I'm learning more about what I'm capable of and what I like and don't like...plus so much more. I know that if I had chosen another path I probably would have learned these same lessons, but I like the path I've chosen and followed. Its been such an eye opening experience and I know the Lord has blessed me because of my faith and willingness to go through certain things. I know that I'm being constantly prepared for my future - my husband, children and others I have yet to meet. I love the person I am becoming and I'm grateful everyday for the chance I'm given to better myself in every aspect of my life. I know that everything happens for a reason and I love that I get the chance to share my experiences and testimony to help lift and inspire those around me. God's plan is PERFECT for each one of us and He is so intricately involved in our lives, I know as we allow Him in...we will continue to BECOME all He knows we are capable of Becoming. Heres to a New Year and making it better than the last. :) Carpe Diem!

Days 1 & 2 of Gratitude...

I've made  a personal goal to write 5 things everyday that I'm truly grateful for and since I'm starting on the 2nd...I'll post 10 today.

I'm grateful for...
1- The phone call I received at work today from a dear old friend I met at my last job who cares enough to check up on me now and again.
2- The chance I had to talk to my sweet, beautiful 15yr old sister Piper and wish her a happy birthday.
3- My friend Rob who (is just like a brother to me) that was so willing to let me vent until the wee hours of the mornin.
4- The job I have that stretches me beyond what I sometimes feel incapable of doing.
5- the sweet reminders God gives me of who I am through my friends and those who have met me.
6- the cold crisp air and bonfires with warm hot cocoa.
7- A place to live
8- The hope and comfort I've been given knowing that one day I will have a wonderful man by my side and beautiful children to care for and love.
9- My new friends Mary, Rachel and Brianne.
10- The trials I've faced this semester and the opportunities it has presented to help others going through something similar.

The changes we call 'Life'.

So its basically been a year from my last blog. I realized I'm pretty good at keeping this thing updated. haha. I have felt that its high time I share with my friends and those who may come across this a few of the things that have occured within this past year.
I was one lost girl last year around this time. I wasn't sure why I moved all the way across the United States - away from family and everything I've known to attend a school where I would know absolutely ZERO people. Well, I was put to work as soon as I got here. I was called to be in the Relief Society Presidency at church in my ward as the 2nd counselor. Boy, that was intimidating and super scary...I had no clue how I was going to be able to serve the girls in my ward when I was struggling with my own identity and spirituality among numerous other things.
 My first semester at SVU was one of the hardest semesters I've ever experienced in my college career. But in retrospect, I can honestly say that the Lord most definately had his hand in my life the entire time. I lucked out in having a Bishop (Bishop Walker) that I could relate to and who understood me. That played a huge part in my experience out here. On top of that, I was blessed to have a roommate who was a returned missionary and who was there for me EVERY time I needed a friend. When I came out here, I was struggling with my identity as a daughter of God and it was small, simple tender mercies that helped me along my way (i.e...my roommate, bishop, housemates and family - from the other side of the country).
 I eventually decided halfway through last fall semester that I needed to prepare to receive my endowments in the temple. That decision has been one of THE BEST I've EVER made in my life. That truly was what put all the pieces of my life back together. THAT was what helped me see my life in a fresh, new perspective. I met some incredible people fall semester, but I still didn't find where I fit in yet. I had a couple dates with an incredible guy but didn't really think anything of at the time. Spring semester is where he came in. :-)
I had the opportunity to visit my brother and sister in law in Washington over Christmas with the rest of my family as well as attend the Portland, Oregon temple December 27th, 2011 to receive my endowments. That was the major turning point in my life. It was the start of a new beginning for me. I came back for Spring semester revived and ready to face life head on. I was a new woman! I had direction, confidence, and was happier than I'd ever been before. Well, a few weeks into spring semester I saw this guy I'd been on a few dates with from fall semester and he wanted to get together..so, after a while we eventually made that happen. Our first date was a spaghetti date night where we ate dinner with no silverware...yes, I did that and yes, I most definately got down and dirty with my food. haha.
We hit it off...I had started playing lacrosse and he came to one of my games, took me on picnics, walks and we just spent time having fun with eachother. We were total goofs...just like little kids. It was great! We decided to make things official towards the end of February and I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life. Everything was going SO incredibly well. I made a lot of great memories that I will never forget.
Well, long story short (and this is where the changes we call 'life' come into play), we broke things off at the end of the semester and that is where some of the major lessons in my life have been taught. I was confused, hurt, angry, sad and all sorts of emotions. But, God's tender mercies didn't cease in my life...in fact, at that point...that is where I was carried and lifted until I could walk again (metaphorically speaking). God knows each of us SO well that the changes we experience are given to help us grow, stretch and develop into the kind of individual He knows we are capable of becoming.
I was called to be the Relief Society President for the Summer and yet again...I felt the same way I felt when I was called to the Presidency for the previous fall semester - (how on earth was I going to lead these wonderful women whom I had the chance to serve and help them in their times of trial and growth?) I can testify that the Lord really does qualify those whom He calls - no matter what calling we receive. I felt like Angels were bearing me up. I know they were. With everything that had transpired previously with my dating life...my mind was trying to sort out how to deal with everything. I know the Lord knew me well enough that if He could help me to stay busy serving others and working the summer away, I would be just fine.
Well, thats exactly what happened. In fact, in the midst of the busyness of my summer, I decided to take a summer class. That just added to some of the stress I had been dealing with, but I'm so glad I was busy because through all of the organized chaos of my life...I came to really rely on my Heavenly Father and on Jesus Christ. I came to understand better who I am, what I want, why I do the things I do and I took an opportunity presented to me that would help me to become the BEST me I can be. I'm still participating in that opportunity and words cannot express my gratitude for those tender mercies I've received all summer long. All of these small changes have added up to be EXTRAORDINARY blessings giving me a clearer perception of where I'm headed and what the Lord wants me to be doing. I can honestly say that I'm SO humbled by the chance to experience pain and heartache because of who I am today and who I will be tomorrow and the day after that and so on.
I know that our Heavenly Father has a perfect plan for each one of us and that as we turn to him and humbly seek for His will, we will find it and we will experience the peace and joy that come from serving and following Him. I know that the changes we experience in our life are meant for our growth and benefit and as hard as what they are sometimes, we can make it through (even with a smile on our face). This life is BEAUTIFUL & Not always easy, but as we struggle daily to make it through - WE WILL MAKE IT!!
NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP - in the end, the pain and heartache is worth the struggle. We are being shaped and molded into something more exquisite and beautiful than what we can ever imagine!!!

Re-Training my thinking...

Ok, sooo...I've decided from here on out I'm going to do my best to post everyday the 10 things that I can honestly say I'm grateful for, that have gone good for me. I've noticed that since I've been across the country, far away from any family, friends or familiarity...I've been a lot harder on myself than I need to be and its also been a very difficult adjustment where I've questioned what I'm even doing here. So, I figure in order to change that, I will focus on the good no matter how small it may be. That may possibly help me to become a more positive person and a happier one at that.
Sorry to all those of you who are looking for something a little more exciting. haha.

• My new computer came
• I was able to transfer ALL my important info from my other computer thats been overheating
• I got to talk to my mom several times today
• I was able to go to work
• I still have gas in my car
• I'm eating healthier...i.e. i ate fish today
• It didn't rain today
• I was able to answer more questions than what I expected to on my Humanities test today.
• I've been more relaxed today than any other day so far this week
• I have a very patient roommate

A few life lessons I've picked up.

Things I've learned over the past month:

• If a guy likes you, he will make an effort to get to know you.
• Life is full of ups and downs and you cant always plan for the unpredictable.
• Theres no reason to change yourself for someone, change yourself for you if thats what you want.
• Sometimes we just have to learn to "Go With The Flow"
• Things people say and do don't always match.
• Having "options" is a good thing.
• Its ok to focus on me.
• Some guys just don't get it.
• Communication is super important.
• You can't overthink things too much.
• I can be happy without having a boyfriend. (haha...well, duh!)
• Life is still AMAZING!!!

What I'm learning...

ok, wow! Today was EPIC!!! In our singles ward, we had "Bring your parents to church" day. Both my mom and stepdad came. It was wonderful having them back with me at church even if it was just for a day. But, I have to say aside from that...everything I heard at church was completely what I needed to hear. It was like it was just for ME. I don't know how to explain it, but it was super fantastic. Lately I've been on a dating kick and just frustrated and confused and well, I've just been struggling a bit. I've been battling with myself over so many different things. However, today it was like I had been hit over the head...in essence I received an answer to many prayers. I realized that I can only control what I can control. I know that seems like a "well duh!" but for me it was a bit of a breakthrough. haha. I'm coming to realize all over again who really is in control. And as much as I may hate having to go through things in which I can't always count on and prepare for knowing how to act, I know I am being stretched and taught how to handle these situations. I'm learning to develop patience (not only with others, but with myself as well), & I'm learning and being reminded of who it is that I need to rely on and trust in, plus soo many other things. Someone had said today that God blesses us with so much more than we can imagine and that sometimes we want what we want, when we want it (that sounds like me...haha), but they pointed out that if God were to give us everything we wanted at the moment we wanted it we would not be completely satisfied. He wants to give us the VERY BEST  and sometimes that requires us to trust that we will receive them in HIS OWN TIME. Good and even Great things take time, but they are worth the work and wait!! If we weren't stretched, we wouldn't grow and we need the growth...otherwise we could not progress and become all that He wants and knows we can become. I may have my days that I breakdown and question everything, but deep down I KNOW that everything is going to work out perfectly. I know that one day I will get everything I've always wanted and more...just gotta keep keepin on!

Put in the "Friend Zone"...

I have no idea what way is up or down or left or right anymore. I'm feeling so confused and hurt and just like I've been left in the dark. My worst fear came true today. I was officially put in the "friend zone". Awesome....NOT! Actually, I guess friends is better than nothing...but boy it was sure a blow to my ego. I've been spending a lot of time lately with this man friend of mine and I thought things were going pretty well. We seem to enjoy eachothers company and I've never laughed harder in my entire life. I feel completely at ease with him and so I was pretty ok with where things were going. I apparently read more into the situation than what there was, so now I'm completely left in the dark. After being put in the "friend zone", I have been having a hard time taking control of my feelings. I apparently liked this guy way more than what I thought I did. Boy, does that suck. haha. Somewhere in between today and where things were awesome...something happened. I don't know what. I'm confused. I wish I knew what to do, but I'm so full of emotion its hard to decide what happens next. I wish I could have someone tell me how to handle this and give me some insight into what lies ahead. But, until my fairy god-mother or god-father comes flying to my side, I will just have to go vertical and trust that God will lead me where I need to go.