Re-Training my thinking...

Ok, sooo...I've decided from here on out I'm going to do my best to post everyday the 10 things that I can honestly say I'm grateful for, that have gone good for me. I've noticed that since I've been across the country, far away from any family, friends or familiarity...I've been a lot harder on myself than I need to be and its also been a very difficult adjustment where I've questioned what I'm even doing here. So, I figure in order to change that, I will focus on the good no matter how small it may be. That may possibly help me to become a more positive person and a happier one at that.
Sorry to all those of you who are looking for something a little more exciting. haha.

• My new computer came
• I was able to transfer ALL my important info from my other computer thats been overheating
• I got to talk to my mom several times today
• I was able to go to work
• I still have gas in my car
• I'm eating healthier...i.e. i ate fish today
• It didn't rain today
• I was able to answer more questions than what I expected to on my Humanities test today.
• I've been more relaxed today than any other day so far this week
• I have a very patient roommate

A few life lessons I've picked up.

Things I've learned over the past month:

• If a guy likes you, he will make an effort to get to know you.
• Life is full of ups and downs and you cant always plan for the unpredictable.
• Theres no reason to change yourself for someone, change yourself for you if thats what you want.
• Sometimes we just have to learn to "Go With The Flow"
• Things people say and do don't always match.
• Having "options" is a good thing.
• Its ok to focus on me.
• Some guys just don't get it.
• Communication is super important.
• You can't overthink things too much.
• I can be happy without having a boyfriend. (haha...well, duh!)
• Life is still AMAZING!!!

What I'm learning...

ok, wow! Today was EPIC!!! In our singles ward, we had "Bring your parents to church" day. Both my mom and stepdad came. It was wonderful having them back with me at church even if it was just for a day. But, I have to say aside from that...everything I heard at church was completely what I needed to hear. It was like it was just for ME. I don't know how to explain it, but it was super fantastic. Lately I've been on a dating kick and just frustrated and confused and well, I've just been struggling a bit. I've been battling with myself over so many different things. However, today it was like I had been hit over the head...in essence I received an answer to many prayers. I realized that I can only control what I can control. I know that seems like a "well duh!" but for me it was a bit of a breakthrough. haha. I'm coming to realize all over again who really is in control. And as much as I may hate having to go through things in which I can't always count on and prepare for knowing how to act, I know I am being stretched and taught how to handle these situations. I'm learning to develop patience (not only with others, but with myself as well), & I'm learning and being reminded of who it is that I need to rely on and trust in, plus soo many other things. Someone had said today that God blesses us with so much more than we can imagine and that sometimes we want what we want, when we want it (that sounds like me...haha), but they pointed out that if God were to give us everything we wanted at the moment we wanted it we would not be completely satisfied. He wants to give us the VERY BEST  and sometimes that requires us to trust that we will receive them in HIS OWN TIME. Good and even Great things take time, but they are worth the work and wait!! If we weren't stretched, we wouldn't grow and we need the growth...otherwise we could not progress and become all that He wants and knows we can become. I may have my days that I breakdown and question everything, but deep down I KNOW that everything is going to work out perfectly. I know that one day I will get everything I've always wanted and more...just gotta keep keepin on!

Put in the "Friend Zone"...

I have no idea what way is up or down or left or right anymore. I'm feeling so confused and hurt and just like I've been left in the dark. My worst fear came true today. I was officially put in the "friend zone". Awesome....NOT! Actually, I guess friends is better than nothing...but boy it was sure a blow to my ego. I've been spending a lot of time lately with this man friend of mine and I thought things were going pretty well. We seem to enjoy eachothers company and I've never laughed harder in my entire life. I feel completely at ease with him and so I was pretty ok with where things were going. I apparently read more into the situation than what there was, so now I'm completely left in the dark. After being put in the "friend zone", I have been having a hard time taking control of my feelings. I apparently liked this guy way more than what I thought I did. Boy, does that suck. haha. Somewhere in between today and where things were awesome...something happened. I don't know what. I'm confused. I wish I knew what to do, but I'm so full of emotion its hard to decide what happens next. I wish I could have someone tell me how to handle this and give me some insight into what lies ahead. But, until my fairy god-mother or god-father comes flying to my side, I will just have to go vertical and trust that God will lead me where I need to go.

"Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride"

I need to vent. So, for now this is my venting grounds. Those of you who read this may think that my struggles are miniscule and unimportant, but you know what? They are important to me. Think what you will, but for the next little while, I'm going to let it all out.
I am sooo tired of just being the friend and never the girl. You know..."always a bridesmaid, never a bride"? Yeah, well thats how i'm feeling. I feel like I'm just stuck in limbo watching everyone else get engaged and have relationships and move on with their life. Its really annoying and as much as I hate to admit it...I'm afraid I may be starting to become semi-bitter. Lame, I know...but, its how I feel. I'm not saying I don't have dating opportunities...cuz I do. They are good. I can't complain there. But, I think my expectations as to what I think should happen and when are maybe not so realistic. I have a super hard time with having patience, especially when it comes to something I've been denied for what seems like forever and my desire for it just keeps getting stronger.
 I have a few guys at this point in my life that I'm interested in. They seem to be interested in me. Things have been going pretty well with one, but I'm pretty sure I'm getting sucked into the "friend zone". I'm not saying that being friends is a bad thing...its not, in fact its the foundation for any successful relationship. The problem is....is that nothing ever goes past this point. I don't know why. I don't know if its me, or if its him...or if its some crazy cosmic force that's taking over. haha...ok its prob not the last one...but, I just wish I knew how to get myself out of this hole. Sometimes, my better judgement tells me to just go and find some super cute guy I know and make-out and just have a non-committment whatever...whenever I want.  Then, there is the part of me that reminds me that anything worthwhile is worth the effort and the wait. UGH! haha.
What does a girl do? What do I do? I want to have a successful relationship with someone, to be able to have someone like me for everything I am...quirks and faults included. Is that really possible?
Maybe the issue is me and not them....maybe I just need to stop getting attached so quickly. Maybe I just need to play the game. (which by the way...I can't stand.) But, thats the problem with being the type of person that cares about everyone. I just want someone to love and to take care of and almost everytime I try...I come off as overbearing and end up hurt in the end. Apparently, i just haven't found someone who can handle it.
I want to open my heart up, but when I try...thats when I start getting attached. How do you not make yourself vulnerable and yet still have things work out? haha. Maybe thats a dumb question, but I'm completely dumbfounded when I see these couples just jump into relationships so quickly and it seems to work out. Why doesn't anything like that happen with me? I dunno....its all just frustrating and I get sooo annoyed cuz I don't know whats going on.
Communication is key to any good relationship, but how do you find out how the guy feels about you without him thinking you are being just another "dumb girl"? Wasn't there some sort of manual I was supposed to get once I decided to start dating? haha. If anyone has the right answer...please, I will pay you for it! haha. jk...but, I wish dating was easier...I wish you didn't have to play the guessing game and I wish we could all just communicate clearly how we feel. Oh, the joys of life....

what an Amazing Day!

What an incredibly filled day. I am really starting to love my Sundays. I started my day at about 8am this morning and will probably be up for quite a while longer seeing as how I have work in 3 hours and haven't found time to sleep (which is what I should probably be doing now instead of blogging.) haha. I had an opportunity to serve a friend this morning before church and that helped me to get things in perspective and helped me to start my day off right. I then had the opportunity to go to church and participate in the gospel principles class. Thats the class that the missionaries bring their investigators to.
All I can say is wow! My friend Allen who has been investigating the church had the chance to bear his testimony and I loved it! He has such a strong one and it hit me  pretty hard. He and I have been talking off and on and its just so incredibly full-filling to see someone embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ the way he has. It has caused me to take a look at my own personal testimony and re-evaluate quite a few things. I'm just so excited about the gospel and have a huge desire to share it with those around me. I LOVE missionary work. I love the fact that I have been given the opportunity to help him and be the friend that he needs. He has decided to get baptized...in fact thats happening next week. I can't wait!
On top of that awesome experience, our ward was just adopted into a new Young Single Adult Stake. Its so awesome to me to see the Lords work roll forth. Such an awesome testimony builder. Plus, Sheri Dew spoke at a fireside right after. That was amazing! She spoke on knowing who you are, and understanding the Atonement of Christ as well as knowing how to receive personal revelation. She is one of my favorite people to hear speak. Everything said tonight was an answer to fervent prayer.
She just reminded us of how God does know who we are, where we are,  exactly what we need, exactly when we need it. Its sooo true too. I know He knows me. I've seen his hand in my life time after time. Theres no way I could deny it.
Its just been such a fantastic day....I wish I could fully express how great it was. I feel spiritually enriched and ready to take on the challenges ahead of me this coming week. :)

Amazing...

This is going to be short, but I just have to say how awesome life is right now. I can't even begin to explain everything that is happening...maybe its not whats happening...maybe my outlook has changed....maybe its both. i don't know, but what i do know is that God is sooo mindful of us and everything we need. I just recently have made a new friend that is investigating the church. He's an answer to prayer. It really is amazing how God answers prayers. I asked God for more opportunities to serve others and here he throws this new person in my way...if thats not an answer, frankly i don't know what could be. haha. anywho...I'm just super excited because I feel like I will be able to have a chance to do some missionary work. I love it. I didn't serve a mission, but I know I can have the same type of opportunities everyday if I just ask for them. This new friend is on fire with the gospel and I'm like 99.9% positive a baptism will be happening soon. How awesome is that?!? He's so excited and well, I'm way excited too!
All I know is that the windows of heaven really do open up and the blessings start pouring down when you are doing those things you need to be doing...you know...obeying the commandments....not to say there won't be hard times still, but things are just so much easier to handle because of obedience. God is awesome. I know He loves His children and I know that as we do our best to be our very best we can make it through anything with Him. :)