somedays I really think things would have been better the way they used to be...and then, I realize that life...even though it doesn't turn out the way I wanted it to, ends up turning out the way i needed it to

"Somedays I really think things would have been better the way they used to be...and then, I realize that life...even though it doesn't turn out the way I wanted it to, ends up turning out the way i needed it to.

Man, life can really throw you some curve balls can't it? I'm at a point in my life where I really need to think about where I'm going and what I'm doing and then DO it. This topic has been something thats constantly on my mind..especially since day one. Its just that everytime I try to make something happen, it doesn't work out and I'm back to the drawing board. Sometimes I feel like I just run into wall after wall after wall. Sometimes I've wanted to give up and other times I've been soo determined.

I've always been a more independant individual than anything else. I get so determined that my life is going to happen a certain way and then when it doesn't it just hits me hard. When I look back and reflect on things, I come to realize that its a darn good thing certain things happened the way they did. I realize that even though it wasn't what I wanted, it was definately what I needed. Its a vicious cycle...haha. You would think that I'd just learn to let go and let God take the lead. One day I will get it.

I've realized I get the most frustrated when things seem to be going smoothly and when I'm so focused on other things that all of a sudden something happens in the middle and totally "rocks the boat". I then try to roll with that new thing and it doesn't work out the way I wanted it to and then I just get more frustrated and confused and think that things were better the way they were before. haha...

I have a hard time being patient with things...not a quality that I fully possess yet. I suppose thats why this "vicious cycle" keeps happening. lol. I just wish I understood why certain things happen the way they do and why they happen. Those are probably answers I won't receive until I see God face to face. haha. But, I know that theres a reason for everything and I just have to keep an open mind and realize who really is in control and just understand that His plan is perfect. One day, I will have all the answers and its gonna be awesome!!!