Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Re-Training my thinking...

Ok, sooo...I've decided from here on out I'm going to do my best to post everyday the 10 things that I can honestly say I'm grateful for, that have gone good for me. I've noticed that since I've been across the country, far away from any family, friends or familiarity...I've been a lot harder on myself than I need to be and its also been a very difficult adjustment where I've questioned what I'm even doing here. So, I figure in order to change that, I will focus on the good no matter how small it may be. That may possibly help me to become a more positive person and a happier one at that.
Sorry to all those of you who are looking for something a little more exciting. haha.

  • My new computer came
  • I was able to transfer ALL my important info from my other computer thats been overheating
  • I got to talk to my mom several times today
  • I was able to go to work
  • I still have gas in my car
  • I'm eating healthier...i.e. i ate fish today
  • It didn't rain today
  • I was able to answer more questions than what I expected to on my Humanities test today.
  • I've been more relaxed today than any other day so far this week
  • I have a very patient roommate

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

A few life lessons I've picked up.

Things I've learned over the past month:
  • If a guy likes you, he will make an effort to get to know you.
  • Life is full of ups and downs and you cant always plan for the unpredictable.
  • Theres no reason to change yourself for someone, change yourself for you if thats what you want.
  • Sometimes we just have to learn to "Go With The Flow"
  • Things people say and do don't always match.
  • Having "options" is a good thing.
  • Its ok to focus on me.
  • Some guys just don't get it.
  • Communication is super important.
  • You can't overthink things too much.
  • I can be happy without having a boyfriend. (haha...well, duh!)
  • Life is still AMAZING!!!

Monday, June 6, 2011

What I'm learning...

ok, wow! Today was EPIC!!! In our singles ward, we had "Bring your parents to church" day. Both my mom and stepdad came. It was wonderful having them back with me at church even if it was just for a day. But, I have to say aside from that...everything I heard at church was completely what I needed to hear. It was like it was just for ME. I don't know how to explain it, but it was super fantastic. Lately I've been on a dating kick and just frustrated and confused and well, I've just been struggling a bit. I've been battling with myself over so many different things. However, today it was like I had been hit over the head...in essence I received an answer to many prayers. I realized that I can only control what I can control. I know that seems like a "well duh!" but for me it was a bit of a breakthrough. haha. I'm coming to realize all over again who really is in control. And as much as I may hate having to go through things in which I can't always count on and prepare for knowing how to act, I know I am being stretched and taught how to handle these situations. I'm learning to develop patience (not only with others, but with myself as well), & I'm learning and being reminded of who it is that I need to rely on and trust in, plus soo many other things. Someone had said today that God blesses us with so much more than we can imagine and that sometimes we want what we want, when we want it (that sounds like me...haha), but they pointed out that if God were to give us everything we wanted at the moment we wanted it we would not be completely satisfied. He wants to give us the VERY BEST  and sometimes that requires us to trust that we will receive them in HIS OWN TIME. Good and even Great things take time, but they are worth the work and wait!! If we weren't stretched, we wouldn't grow and we need the growth...otherwise we could not progress and become all that He wants and knows we can become. I may have my days that I breakdown and question everything, but deep down I KNOW that everything is going to work out perfectly. I know that one day I will get everything I've always wanted and more...just gotta keep keepin on!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Put in the "Friend Zone"...

I have no idea what way is up or down or left or right anymore. I'm feeling so confused and hurt and just like I've been left in the dark. My worst fear came true today. I was officially put in the "friend zone". Awesome....NOT! Actually, I guess friends is better than nothing...but boy it was sure a blow to my ego. I've been spending a lot of time lately with this man friend of mine and I thought things were going pretty well. We seem to enjoy eachothers company and I've never laughed harder in my entire life. I feel completely at ease with him and so I was pretty ok with where things were going. I apparently read more into the situation than what there was, so now I'm completely left in the dark. After being put in the "friend zone", I have been having a hard time taking control of my feelings. I apparently liked this guy way more than what I thought I did. Boy, does that suck. haha. Somewhere in between today and where things were awesome...something happened. I don't know what. I'm confused. I wish I knew what to do, but I'm so full of emotion its hard to decide what happens next. I wish I could have someone tell me how to handle this and give me some insight into what lies ahead. But, until my fairy god-mother or god-father comes flying to my side, I will just have to go vertical and trust that God will lead me where I need to go.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

"Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride"

I need to vent. So, for now this is my venting grounds. Those of you who read this may think that my struggles are miniscule and unimportant, but you know what? They are important to me. Think what you will, but for the next little while, I'm going to let it all out.
I am sooo tired of just being the friend and never the girl. You know..."always a bridesmaid, never a bride"? Yeah, well thats how i'm feeling. I feel like I'm just stuck in limbo watching everyone else get engaged and have relationships and move on with their life. Its really annoying and as much as I hate to admit it...I'm afraid I may be starting to become semi-bitter. Lame, I know...but, its how I feel. I'm not saying I don't have dating opportunities...cuz I do. They are good. I can't complain there. But, I think my expectations as to what I think should happen and when are maybe not so realistic. I have a super hard time with having patience, especially when it comes to something I've been denied for what seems like forever and my desire for it just keeps getting stronger.
 I have a few guys at this point in my life that I'm interested in. They seem to be interested in me. Things have been going pretty well with one, but I'm pretty sure I'm getting sucked into the "friend zone". I'm not saying that being friends is a bad thing...its not, in fact its the foundation for any successful relationship. The problem is....is that nothing ever goes past this point. I don't know why. I don't know if its me, or if its him...or if its some crazy cosmic force that's taking over. haha...ok its prob not the last one...but, I just wish I knew how to get myself out of this hole. Sometimes, my better judgement tells me to just go and find some super cute guy I know and make-out and just have a non-committment whatever...whenever I want.  Then, there is the part of me that reminds me that anything worthwhile is worth the effort and the wait. UGH! haha.
What does a girl do? What do I do? I want to have a successful relationship with someone, to be able to have someone like me for everything I am...quirks and faults included. Is that really possible?
Maybe the issue is me and not them....maybe I just need to stop getting attached so quickly. Maybe I just need to play the game. (which by the way...I can't stand.) But, thats the problem with being the type of person that cares about everyone. I just want someone to love and to take care of and almost everytime I try...I come off as overbearing and end up hurt in the end. Apparently, i just haven't found someone who can handle it.
I want to open my heart up, but when I try...thats when I start getting attached. How do you not make yourself vulnerable and yet still have things work out? haha. Maybe thats a dumb question, but I'm completely dumbfounded when I see these couples just jump into relationships so quickly and it seems to work out. Why doesn't anything like that happen with me? I dunno....its all just frustrating and I get sooo annoyed cuz I don't know whats going on.
Communication is key to any good relationship, but how do you find out how the guy feels about you without him thinking you are being just another "dumb girl"? Wasn't there some sort of manual I was supposed to get once I decided to start dating? haha. If anyone has the right answer...please, I will pay you for it! haha. jk...but, I wish dating was easier...I wish you didn't have to play the guessing game and I wish we could all just communicate clearly how we feel. Oh, the joys of life....

Sunday, April 10, 2011

what an Amazing Day!

What an incredibly filled day. I am really starting to love my Sundays. I started my day at about 8am this morning and will probably be up for quite a while longer seeing as how I have work in 3 hours and haven't found time to sleep (which is what I should probably be doing now instead of blogging.) haha. I had an opportunity to serve a friend this morning before church and that helped me to get things in perspective and helped me to start my day off right. I then had the opportunity to go to church and participate in the gospel principles class. Thats the class that the missionaries bring their investigators to.
All I can say is wow! My friend Allen who has been investigating the church had the chance to bear his testimony and I loved it! He has such a strong one and it hit me  pretty hard. He and I have been talking off and on and its just so incredibly full-filling to see someone embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ the way he has. It has caused me to take a look at my own personal testimony and re-evaluate quite a few things. I'm just so excited about the gospel and have a huge desire to share it with those around me. I LOVE missionary work. I love the fact that I have been given the opportunity to help him and be the friend that he needs. He has decided to get baptized...in fact thats happening next week. I can't wait!
On top of that awesome experience, our ward was just adopted into a new Young Single Adult Stake. Its so awesome to me to see the Lords work roll forth. Such an awesome testimony builder. Plus, Sheri Dew spoke at a fireside right after. That was amazing! She spoke on knowing who you are, and understanding the Atonement of Christ as well as knowing how to receive personal revelation. She is one of my favorite people to hear speak. Everything said tonight was an answer to fervent prayer.
She just reminded us of how God does know who we are, where we are,  exactly what we need, exactly when we need it. Its sooo true too. I know He knows me. I've seen his hand in my life time after time. Theres no way I could deny it.
Its just been such a fantastic day....I wish I could fully express how great it was. I feel spiritually enriched and ready to take on the challenges ahead of me this coming week. :)

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Amazing...

This is going to be short, but I just have to say how awesome life is right now. I can't even begin to explain everything that is happening...maybe its not whats happening...maybe my outlook has changed....maybe its both. i don't know, but what i do know is that God is sooo mindful of us and everything we need. I just recently have made a new friend that is investigating the church. He's an answer to prayer. It really is amazing how God answers prayers. I asked God for more opportunities to serve others and here he throws this new person in my way...if thats not an answer, frankly i don't know what could be. haha. anywho...I'm just super excited because I feel like I will be able to have a chance to do some missionary work. I love it. I didn't serve a mission, but I know I can have the same type of opportunities everyday if I just ask for them. This new friend is on fire with the gospel and I'm like 99.9% positive a baptism will be happening soon. How awesome is that?!? He's so excited and well, I'm way excited too!
All I know is that the windows of heaven really do open up and the blessings start pouring down when you are doing those things you need to be doing...you know...obeying the commandments....not to say there won't be hard times still, but things are just so much easier to handle because of obedience. God is awesome. I know He loves His children and I know that as we do our best to be our very best we can make it through anything with Him. :)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A Tribute to the BESTEST Sister EVER!

Today is my sister, Jennifers, 20th birthday. (Happy Birthday to you sweetie! I LOVERS you!) I can't even begin to express my deep and heartfelt appreciation for you.
I remember when I was way young...like 4 or 5..I always told my parents how much I wanted a younger sister. I had the younger brother, but things weren't complete yet. I knew someone was missing in the family. So, when I found out my mom was pregnant, lets just say I was pretty excited. By this time I was about 6, almost 7. :) My parents didn't want to know the sex of the baby...they wanted this one to be a surprise. Well, lets just say she was definately a surprise. She came 6 weeks early. I still remember the night my dad took my mom to the hospital. They took my brother Michael and for some reason, I had to stay home. But, I'll never forget what I told my dad before he left the house. I said, "Daddy, tell mom that its a girl. I'm going to have a sister." He just said, "ok sweetie." and rushed off to the hospital. haha.
Well, before I knew it, I was right. YESSSS! haha. My mom gave birth to the sister I've always wanted.

More than anything, looking back, I can say she is the sister I've always needed.
Through our years of growing up together, we've definately had our sibling rivalries. It's amazing how your siblings can be your best friend and worst enemy at the same time. haha. Being almost 7 years older, it was difficult for Jen and I to always get along. She was always getting into my make-up or teasing my brother and myself and well it just seemed like she was the one getting babied and because I was older, I had to be the "good example". But, lets face it...she was the "baby" so she won by default. haha. I wouldn't trade any of our bad times or good times for anything in the world. Those moments are priceless.

I could go on and tell stories of our childhood together but rather than doing that, I want to pay tribute to her and share how she has helped me in my life. Jennifer has always had older friends...probably because she has older siblings. I think thats why she's always been a bit more mature for her age. But, anyways, she's caused me to reflect on a lot of different things in life. She is not afraid to stand out in the crowd. She loves attention and loves to have fun! She isn't afraid to think outside of the box and she has always been one to accept and love everyone. She speaks her mind and she's reasonable and has a good head on her shoulders. She's determined, smart, silly, thoughtful, beautiful and whether or not she will admit it, shes MY sister! haha. There have been so many instances where I've looked up to her.  She is simply amazing. But, I'd like to think thats because she's related to me. haha ;) j/k.

Anyways, I'm so grateful for her patience with me and for her un-ending love. We have definately had our moments and we've been through a lot together. But, now I absolutely have theee BEST relationship with her and she is one of my very best friends. We are constantly finding ways to get together and we just enjoy eachothers presence. She listens to me and builds me up when I'm feeling down. She makes me laugh when I'm sad. She cuddles with me when I'm feeling lonely and she's just super special! ;)

She is getting married this summer and I couldn't be more proud of her and who she has chosen for her husband. She is going to make such a great wife and mother. I can't wait to see what the future will bring. I just lovers her ooodles and ooodles and bunches and I hope she knows how much. She may only be 20 today, but she will always and forever be one of my heroes! I love you Jen! I'm so glad God let me have you as my sister! Happy Birthday!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Beginning of a Dream Fulfilled...

Lately my life has been one big adventure. A little over a year ago my mom had found this "once in a lifetime" trip to Israel, Egypt, Greece, Croatia, and Italy. A Mediterranean cruise with an LDS tour group...how could we pass it up? So, of course we put our down payment in and saved our tooshies off to pay for the rest of it before July 2010 came around. Travelling the world has always been something I've dreamed of, so I put it on my "bucket list" along with a few others like *riding a camel, *swimming with dolphins, *visiting as many LDS temples as I can, *teaching english around the world, etc... If I had an opportunity, I wasn't going to pass it up! Well, October 4, 2010 finally came around. The idea of going to those places really didn't sink in as reality until the night before when I was packing. Funny thing happened that weekend tho. My dad came into town the week before to visit my sister and I. He was staying up at a condo we set him up at. I had this plan to take him to General Conference in Salt Lake since he's never been. Well, as I was up at the condo with my dad...I woke up super early like 2am Friday morning with a way sharp pain in my stomach. I felt really nausiated and started dry heaving. I tried going back to sleep but the pain stopped me from that. I decided to go back home and have my mom administer some healing oils on my body. That didn't work at all. I tried to ignore it and figured maybe it would just go away. So, I went out running errands with her and every little bump while in the car was magnified. I had finally had enough. I ended up going to the doctor to see what was up with my body. He did some blood work and did a few tests and came to the conclusion it was appendicitis. He immediately sent me to the hospital to have the on call surgeon confirm it. Well, at this point the entire family was notified and came with me to the hospital. I was only there for about an hr and a half and the surgeon was having me prepped for a laproscopic appendectomy. I was terrified. My very first surgery, what if i died? haha. The chances of an individual dying from that type of surgery was extremely low, but nonetheless I was nervous. I was lucky to have my family with me. I asked my father and step-father to give me a blessing. That was all I needed and I knew everything was going to be ok.
I ended up staying the night in the hospital and well, needless to say my plan to take my dad to Salt Lake for General Conference was blown. We did end up watching the first session in my hospital room. Talk about awesome! haha. I learned a great lesson then. While you are busy making plans, God really is laughing because He has a plan of His own set for you and well, He definately knows better! :)
So, after all the riga-ma-roll of having my appendix out, the doctor cleared me for take off to fulfill my dream of being a world traveller. Wahoooo! I immediately went home and tried to start packing. Yeah, it was a bit painful, but I had a lot of help and I was determined to make sure I was ready for the early morning plane ride Monday. We had to be at the airport by 6am. Well, it was a good thing we got there early. My mom forgot to grab my stepdads passport. What a way to start our trip. haha. He had to drive 45 mins back home and another 45 (with good traffic) back without getting caught in rush hour. He made it just in time and we were off!
Our first stop was JFK in New York. After about a delay of an hour we were off to Milan, Italy. A 9hr plane ride. My very first international plane ride. I was ecstatic!
Well, we finally arrived in Milan and I got my passport stamp from Italy. WAHOOO!  We headed off to our tour bus and began our incredible journey. We headed to the famous part of Milan - the fashion capital - and I had my first experience in Italy. I had my picture taken with a bunch of pigeons. Yes, its true! I felt like the bag lady in the movie "Home Alone 2: Lost In New York" where she's in the park feeding the pigeons and they are all over her arms and head - yup, that was me. We then ate at this quaint Italian restaurant right on the sidewalk with an incredible view of some church that had beautiful architecture. After Milan, we went to Verona. Thats where the story of Romeo and Juliett take place. I had the chance to see Julietts balcony and the place where Romeo lived. There was also this fantastic coliseum there that the Romans built. Apparently they still have concerts there. I think I may want to go back just to be able to attend a concert there. Words can't even describe how amazing the architecture was. After touring Milan and Verona, we travelled a few hours to Venice. Once there, we had to take a water taxi to our hotel and after we were settle in our rooms, we zonked out.
Day #1: Tour of Venice -
Well, the trip had finally begun. After having a yummy breakfast in Italy, we took our water taxi and started our tour of Venice. We first headed to St. Marks Square. There are A LOT of vendors trying to sell you stuff. Total tourist attraction. But, it was beautiful there. All the buildings and the history behind Venice was breathtaking to see. The streets were paved with bricks and in some places there was a little flooding, but the people were so friendly and it was so cool to be able to walk on the mini bridges built over the water...it was everywhere you went. You saw a lot of Gondola's and just boats everywhere since that is their main form of transportation. Some of the gondola guides were singing and their voices were magical! We had our opportunity to take a gondola ride and it was romantic! The ambiance of Italy is full of enchantment and magic and it was....*sigh* perfect. As I was on my gondola ride, there was a boat passing us by and this Italian man pointed to me with a smile and shouted out "I love you!" with his Italian accent. I was a bit giddy and shy so I just smiled and waved. Well, that didn't work for my gondola guide. He scolded me and told me not to keep my feelings inside. The Italians are very open with their emotions and have no problem expressing that outwardly to you or anyone else. It was definately another learning experience. Sometimes, I wish we could be more open with our feelings in America. It wouldn't make things so awkward and confusing. But, to each his/her own. :) Well, afer the tour we had some free time for shopping and eating lunch, so we had some Italian pizza. Afterall, isn't that a must while in Italy? It was mmm...mm, good! Later that day we boarded our ship and got settled in our staterooms. The ship was huge. I think its capacity is something just barely over 3000 passengers. Pretty incredible. The journey had officially begun now that we were on the ship. I was sooo excited as our first port was in Alexandria, Egypt.
Day #2, Day #3 & Day #4:
Well we were at sea and had a few days until we reached Egypt. Our tour group had an incredible speaker who started his seminars this day. His name is Bruce Porter. He did a lot of reasearch for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and studied extensively in Jerusalem and Egypt. So for the few days of just being out on sea, I went to listen to Brother Porter. I learned so much about the gospel of Jesus Christ and a lot about Egyptians and it was just way cool! There was so much to take in, but his seminars turned out to be my favorite of all the things I experienced.
Day #5:
We reached Alexandria, Egypt bright and early Sunday morning. We had to be ready to leave by 5:30 in the morning. Our bus ride into Alexandria was 3hrs each way to and from Cairo. Lets just say I was ecstatic to be able to get out and stretch my feet and legs by the time we got there. Cairo was quite an experience. First of all there were tons of camels everywhere. Second, the Giza pyramids were HUGE! Our guide told us that the largest pyramid has something like 2.2 million stones - and believe me when i say the stones are not small. Being there was fantastic, but it was still hard to fathom that a few thousand years ago the egyptians were able to build something as fantastic as the pyramids. The vendors there are soooo forward and pushy. They will not leave you alone. You have to be very firm with them and when it comes to bartering, the best thing you can do is to stick to your guns with the price. While I was there, I had anywhere between 10-15 marriage proposals. My parents could have owned a HUGE camel farm had they agreed to accept what the men were offerring them for me to be their wife. haha The largest offer was something around 3000 camel along with a few goats and a couple chickens. I'm glad my parents loved me enough to say no. Had they not, I may have come back with an Egyptian husband. haha. So along with getting to see the pyramids in Cairo, we got to see the Sphynx, the Cairo museum (king tuts exhibit) and went to the Bazaar downtown. We got back to the ship late, but it was an amazing day.
Day #6:
Well this day we had the chance to explore a bit of Alexandria. Egypt is a very dirty place. Everywhere you look there are piles and piles of rubble and trash everywhere. I mean, you would see someone eating a candy bar next to a trash bin, but they would just throw the wrapper onto the ground. Its weird. Traffic is crazy too. The law in Egypt is that whomever is in front has the right of way. So wherever there was a small amount of space, cars would try and creep up to get in the front so they had the right of way. They were constantly using their horns. Plus, people there had no problem walking out in front of a moving vehicle. A lot of us on the bus almost had a few heart attacks. haha. We saw some cool things here though. We went to the catacombs - walked down 99 stairs to get to the bottom. It was way crowded and super hot. We also got to go the the famous library of Alexandria. That was sweet. They have this cool machine that will print out a whole book in like 15-20 minutes so you don't have to check it out...its always available for anyone who needs it.


Day #7:
We ported in Ashdod, Israel this day. ***to be continued... :)

Another Day, Another Step Forward...

I don't know what I want to say right now. haha. This may be one of thee most random posts I've ever done. I  have a cajillion and one things on my mind right now. If I don't put my thoughts down, I really just might explode. lol. I'm probably one of the most sentimentally reminiscent exhausting people ever. haha. I don't live in the past but I love to think back and find my life lessons and see how well I've done in changing my circumstances up to this point and re-evaluate where I'm headed. I do that ALL the time. It helps me to keep things in proper perspective...u know?
Anyways, I've started a new goal or two. We were handed a book of mormon in sacrament meeting on Sunday and we were challenged by the bishop to read it this year and while doing so, we were asked to mark the different names of Christ. I'm already ahead in my reading and I'm super stoked about it! I've never really studied the scriptures with just one thing I'm looking for. Its been awesome. I LOVE the gospel of Jesus Christ!
I've made it a goal to go to the gym atleast 5 days a week. Theres a few reasons why. One is because I am determined to get healthier and tone up my body and another is because I really really really want to look good when I see this friend of mine whom I haven't seen for 2 years. eeek! And, if I can brag a little...I've been doing fantastic! haha I've been bringing my lil sister with me and its made the time fly and its just a lot more fun with her. I'm pretty proud of myself. haha.
I'm starting school next week. Ahhhhh! I'm way excited and nervous. I will be going to school full-time and working pretty close to full-time as well. I'm really hoping I don't burn myself out. I think I'm going to be a student for life. I LOVE to learn and well, I'm determined to get some sort of degree/certificate behind my name. I'm praying that I can complete what I start. That will be a day for celebration when I do. haha. Just gotta keep telling myself, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." :)
I'm making so many new changes in my life right now. Its exciting! I want to be the BEST person I can be...not only for myself, but hopefully one day I can share who I am with the love of my life who will appreciate everything I'm striving to become. Its taken me a long time to get where I am today. Others may not see what I've accomplished or how far I've come, but I know what its taken to get where I am today.
I'm so grateful for all of the opportunites and experiences that have helped me get where I am. I'm grateful for the challenges I have yet to face to help refine me even more. I can't do anything on my own and I know that its been possible for me to overcome every step of my life with the help of my Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. I love Him for that!

Monday, February 21, 2011

THe BEST things in Life are worth Living & Waiting For!

Where do I begin? I suppose gratitude is a good place to start. haha
I cant begin to express my gratitude for the opportunities I've had this past month. I've been able to meet different people and to experience different things and to learn more about myself. I truly believe that there are no coincidences in this life. Everything happens for a reason. I don't always understand the reasons why certain things take place, but I do know that if I allow myself; I can learn, grow and change for the better from those things. I've had some recent experiences that have definately helped me to take a good, hard, look at my life. I've been blessed with people who have helped me to open up and see things from a different perspective. You see, one day I decided to ask God for more dating opportunities. I was feeling lonely and frustrated and just really wanted a chance to prove myself. Well, believe me...I got more than what I thought I was bargaining for. haha
I won't go into all the details but even though its only been a month since things began changing for me, I feel like a different person alltogether. Some of it is good and some of it, well...not so good. I've had the opportunity to have my eyes opened to those weaker characteristics of myself that aren't the most charming and I've also experienced things that have caused me to redefine what I want and what I'm looking for. It never ceases to amaze me either how dependant on God I am for ALL things. Its soo important to keep Him close at all times and in all things and in ALL places. I've seen through others how crucial it is to stay close to the Savior and to have His spirit as a guide. Sometimes the things we want the most can overpower the promptings of the Spirit and that can cause us to be deceived from what is right and what we need.
I am grateful for God knowing me better than I know myself and for Him allowing me opportunities that help me grow and that testify He is in control and knows me BEST. I'm grateful that I don't always get the things I'm asking for. I know that truly the BEST things in life ARE worth Living & Waiting For. I'm willing to keep living & waiting and working because in the end its going to be AMAZING!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Hit me with your best shot-Pat Benatar With ylrics



Soooo, I totally had to post this video tonight. Its awesome! Everytime I hear this song, I feel...empowered. haha.
It makes me feel like I can do anything and that nothing can get me down.
I can get so frustrated when things don't go my way sometimes and I don't always understand people. I almost feel like I just want to throw my hands up in the air. Other times I just wanna be like, "ok, bring your best and lets see what happens". I would say tonight is one of those "I will take you on" nights. What I'm referring to specifically aside from many other things is dating. I get sooo tired of the game. I dont' want to second guess. I don't want to compete. And I definately don't want to be the last resort. If you like me, well....you like me. So, do something about it. If not, thats totally fine with me. Just don't play the game and expect me to be happy and willing to play along...believe me, it won't happen. I can open up and let you in, but if you aren't sure...don't expect me to just throw my heart out there to get trampled on. U know? Why do things have to be so complicated and a pain in my glutes? haha. I've decided I'm just going to focus on me. Why not, right? Life is way to short not to enjoy it and if I'm not dating...well, that just means I have more opportunity to do others things I've always wanted to do. Bring it on...I say Carpe Diem...and "Hit me with your BEST shot." LOL... :)

Sunday, January 23, 2011

somedays I really think things would have been better the way they used to be...and then, I realize that life...even though it doesn't turn out the way I wanted it to, ends up turning out the way i needed it to

"Somedays I really think things would have been better the way they used to be...and then, I realize that life...even though it doesn't turn out the way I wanted it to, ends up turning out the way i needed it to.

Man, life can really throw you some curve balls can't it? I'm at a point in my life where I really need to think about where I'm going and what I'm doing and then DO it. This topic has been something thats constantly on my mind..especially since day one. Its just that everytime I try to make something happen, it doesn't work out and I'm back to the drawing board. Sometimes I feel like I just run into wall after wall after wall. Sometimes I've wanted to give up and other times I've been soo determined.

I've always been a more independant individual than anything else. I get so determined that my life is going to happen a certain way and then when it doesn't it just hits me hard. When I look back and reflect on things, I come to realize that its a darn good thing certain things happened the way they did. I realize that even though it wasn't what I wanted, it was definately what I needed. Its a vicious cycle...haha. You would think that I'd just learn to let go and let God take the lead. One day I will get it.

I've realized I get the most frustrated when things seem to be going smoothly and when I'm so focused on other things that all of a sudden something happens in the middle and totally "rocks the boat". I then try to roll with that new thing and it doesn't work out the way I wanted it to and then I just get more frustrated and confused and think that things were better the way they were before. haha...

I have a hard time being patient with things...not a quality that I fully possess yet. I suppose thats why this "vicious cycle" keeps happening. lol. I just wish I understood why certain things happen the way they do and why they happen. Those are probably answers I won't receive until I see God face to face. haha. But, I know that theres a reason for everything and I just have to keep an open mind and realize who really is in control and just understand that His plan is perfect. One day, I will have all the answers and its gonna be awesome!!!

Friday, January 21, 2011

A few thoughts...

Life...that one word has a HUGE meaning to it. Its funny how things just seem to happen at random. Every day is a new beginning and I find that I'm always surprised by one thing or another. A few weeks ago I was pleasantly surprised to make a new friend. I had no idea how much of an impact that this individual would have on my life. But, even though its been a few weeks I can already say that I'm so blessed and truly grateful for this random meeting. We have become very close friends and I have had ample opportunity to re-evaluate who I am and the things I desire most in this life because of his influence. We've had long discussions about a lot of things...dating, friendships, self-esteem, service...just to name a few.
One thing I can say is that through all of our different discussions I have come to know even more than before who I am and what I want from life. I have my flaws but I am learning to embrace them and share them with others. Why should we be afraid of what we have to offer to the world (good and bad)? We are each unique individuals with such special talents and abilities and quirks. Those things are what make this world a wonderful place to live in and be a part of. Each of us has a plan and a purpose. We each deserve a chance to be heard, seen and loved. No one individual is better than the other or less than the other. I wish we all could recognize that about ourselves and others.
With all the imperfection that we are surrounded by, the potential we carry outweighs that by far. If we can learn to place our full trust in our Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ, we can one day become perfect and reach our full potential with their help. We can't do it alone. It takes practice and a willingness to fail and get hurt. But, we can't be afraid...we can't look back and let our failures or our heartaches or misdeeds shape our future. Everyday is a NEW beginning. Its exciting and wonderful and full of surprises! We can't compare ourselves to others or judge others. When we do that we lose sight of whats most important. God loves us completely. Each of us is a divine son or daughter of Him. We should love another as He loves us. None of us needs one more person judging or criticizing or tearing us down. What we all need is to be uplifted and loved and recognized as divine. As we do that our confidence will build in HIM and ourselves and we will no longer be afraid. I don't know if any of this is making sense, but I just have a million thoughts and I just think that we each have so much to offer that we can't let our circumstances or fear hold us back from being able to do those GREAT things we are capable of doing. I know that as we place our trust in HIM anything is possible!