I need to vent. So, for now this is my venting grounds. Those of you who read this may think that my struggles are miniscule and unimportant, but you know what? They are important to me. Think what you will, but for the next little while, I'm going to let it all out.
I am sooo tired of just being the friend and never the girl. You know..."always a bridesmaid, never a bride"? Yeah, well thats how i'm feeling. I feel like I'm just stuck in limbo watching everyone else get engaged and have relationships and move on with their life. Its really annoying and as much as I hate to admit it...I'm afraid I may be starting to become semi-bitter. Lame, I know...but, its how I feel. I'm not saying I don't have dating opportunities...cuz I do. They are good. I can't complain there. But, I think my expectations as to what I think should happen and when are maybe not so realistic. I have a super hard time with having patience, especially when it comes to something I've been denied for what seems like forever and my desire for it just keeps getting stronger.
I have a few guys at this point in my life that I'm interested in. They seem to be interested in me. Things have been going pretty well with one, but I'm pretty sure I'm getting sucked into the "friend zone". I'm not saying that being friends is a bad thing...its not, in fact its the foundation for any successful relationship. The problem is....is that nothing ever goes past this point. I don't know why. I don't know if its me, or if its him...or if its some crazy cosmic force that's taking over. haha...ok its prob not the last one...but, I just wish I knew how to get myself out of this hole. Sometimes, my better judgement tells me to just go and find some super cute guy I know and make-out and just have a non-committment whatever...whenever I want. Then, there is the part of me that reminds me that anything worthwhile is worth the effort and the wait. UGH! haha.
What does a girl do? What do I do? I want to have a successful relationship with someone, to be able to have someone like me for everything I am...quirks and faults included. Is that really possible?
Maybe the issue is me and not them....maybe I just need to stop getting attached so quickly. Maybe I just need to play the game. (which by the way...I can't stand.) But, thats the problem with being the type of person that cares about everyone. I just want someone to love and to take care of and almost everytime I try...I come off as overbearing and end up hurt in the end. Apparently, i just haven't found someone who can handle it.
I want to open my heart up, but when I try...thats when I start getting attached. How do you not make yourself vulnerable and yet still have things work out? haha. Maybe thats a dumb question, but I'm completely dumbfounded when I see these couples just jump into relationships so quickly and it seems to work out. Why doesn't anything like that happen with me? I dunno....its all just frustrating and I get sooo annoyed cuz I don't know whats going on.
Communication is key to any good relationship, but how do you find out how the guy feels about you without him thinking you are being just another "dumb girl"? Wasn't there some sort of manual I was supposed to get once I decided to start dating? haha. If anyone has the right answer...please, I will pay you for it! haha. jk...but, I wish dating was easier...I wish you didn't have to play the guessing game and I wish we could all just communicate clearly how we feel. Oh, the joys of life....
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